I was so excited to go on duty last night. I even posted a status on FB about my persona of being addicted to my work. I didn't know why but I was really excited to wear my scrubs, have my rounds, and be a nurse for 12 hours! I came on our station like 40 minutes before the handoff time. I received the different pieces of information regarding my patients as early as I was in our workplace. I had my rounds at exactly 6:30 in the evening. I had a great time. But why why why why on this Earth, should I need to stay more than two hours from my span of work. I went home late again for 2 & 1/2 hours (well, it's more acceptable now than my previous check out of more than 4 hours beyond my working hours). It's quite terrible because I can't understand. I was always like this for about 4 months already and I'm starting to feel that the dedication I have is momentously slipping away from me because of too much tiredness and stress. I can't blame my job of being a nurse for experiencing these things. I hate myself. I don't understand why I always stay late, why I need to be OC and paranoid at times. They said that you're incompetent if you can't finish a task within a given time. It's like having no answers for the timed written exam your teacher formulated during your school years. But how? I was always trying my best but I don't fvckin' know. I don't know the problem. I don't understand. Help me.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
In Need Of Big Help
I was so excited to go on duty last night. I even posted a status on FB about my persona of being addicted to my work. I didn't know why but I was really excited to wear my scrubs, have my rounds, and be a nurse for 12 hours! I came on our station like 40 minutes before the handoff time. I received the different pieces of information regarding my patients as early as I was in our workplace. I had my rounds at exactly 6:30 in the evening. I had a great time. But why why why why on this Earth, should I need to stay more than two hours from my span of work. I went home late again for 2 & 1/2 hours (well, it's more acceptable now than my previous check out of more than 4 hours beyond my working hours). It's quite terrible because I can't understand. I was always like this for about 4 months already and I'm starting to feel that the dedication I have is momentously slipping away from me because of too much tiredness and stress. I can't blame my job of being a nurse for experiencing these things. I hate myself. I don't understand why I always stay late, why I need to be OC and paranoid at times. They said that you're incompetent if you can't finish a task within a given time. It's like having no answers for the timed written exam your teacher formulated during your school years. But how? I was always trying my best but I don't fvckin' know. I don't know the problem. I don't understand. Help me.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Euphoria
Twinkling, twinkling... A little girl is shining on her own galaxy of happiness. Glazing crystals cover her... A horizon of colors dearly hugs her... She is there, dancing in the Milky Way of self-confidence. She's not in love.
She's not rich.
She's away from home.
Euphoria... How... Why...
Soon.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Little Miss Independent
It's almost one o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still on my bed. I'm still embracing my pillows, thinking of how I can manage to stand up and face my everyday battle. Big thoughts are in my head, almost giving me headache. I've got a lot of stuff to reflect on. Okay, I know, I'm a balderdash. With tons of pounding things circling on my head, I can't even prioritize on which one I should focus.
My life is routinary. I wake up everyday depending on my schedule. I always wake up more than 2.5 hours before my expected time of arrival at my workplace because I move too slow. I have many rituals. At the very moment I open my eyes, I'll hold my rosary and start praying, thanking God for giving me another day to cherish. After that, I'll start preparing. The heat of the iron while I press my scrub suit with the letters RN on the left part almost makes me get forty winks again. Hang them. Go to the fridge and check on something for breakfast. Put some cereals on a bowl. Look for my tackle box. There, I still have my favorite brand of coffee. Turn on the heater. Wait, wait. Done. Pour some hot water in my favorite cup which has a quotation of "Keep calm and dream on." Mix, mix. Voila! Coffee and cereals for breakfast! While munching on my cereals, I face my iPad. Scroll, scroll. Tweet "Good morning!" Scroll, scroll. Check new Instagram photos. Scroll, scroll. Fvck! Do they really need to post something icky and duh, nonsense stuff on Facebook? Scroll, scroll. Hit the Youtube page. Select the audio vid of We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus. "Forget the haters coz somebody loves ya..." Give a fast tap on my phone. Geez!!! I have to take a bath already. Rush, rush. Ooh, the water is so cold I wanna take a bath forever. Dress up. Put on makeup because we are required to do so. A light makeup will work. It's awkward to look pale when facing patients. There you go! All set and ready for another duty as a NURSE.
So I'm still stuck on my bed. I'm too lazy to get up. As I've said, I have a lot of things to ponder on, questions to answer. What am I gonna eat for dinner later? When will I start doing the laundry again? How many hours of sleep will I get? When will be my next duty? Can I have a double off next cutoff? When will I see my family? My friends? How should I decide for my next derma appointment? When will I start enrolling myself to a yoga class because my scoliosis is getting worse based from my judgment! How can I budget my monthly income for my monthly dues? Can I still manage to be a MAN student at my university of choice?
My life when I was at my hometown was so simple. Upon waking up, breakfast was set already. After eating, I had the chance to be a couch potato. I didn't have to worry about the laundry. I didn't have to worry about budgeting. I had all the time in the world to mingle with my friends and family. I wasn't this tired. I had long hours of sleep except for the moments I had for burning brows, of course.
I LOVE MY LIFE THEN AND NOW. It's actually hard to adjust and to work my arse off but it's superbly okay. I've achieved one of my greatest dreams. Despite the long walks (Well, I'm allowed to ride on shuttles now.), chores, endless budgeting, homesickness, sleepless nights; when I see those big letters on the hospital where I work, I can't help but to smile and thank the Lord for pushing me this far. I still have that burning passion and I won't let the flame turn to dust. It's a promise.
Seriously, I'm so proud of myself. No, I'm not bragging. I'm proud of being independent. At first, I thought I couldn't make it. Look at me now!
Oh, well. Thank you for reading this rubbish post. I just hope I inspired you to strive on no matter how hard it will be to achieve your greatest dream. Just pray hard and embrace all the trials. You're bigger than the tests if you have God in your heart. Anyways, I'm gonna bid my bye now for I will catch some Zs again. It will be my first graveyard duty later and I'm so excited. Cheerio! Much love! 💋
My life is routinary. I wake up everyday depending on my schedule. I always wake up more than 2.5 hours before my expected time of arrival at my workplace because I move too slow. I have many rituals. At the very moment I open my eyes, I'll hold my rosary and start praying, thanking God for giving me another day to cherish. After that, I'll start preparing. The heat of the iron while I press my scrub suit with the letters RN on the left part almost makes me get forty winks again. Hang them. Go to the fridge and check on something for breakfast. Put some cereals on a bowl. Look for my tackle box. There, I still have my favorite brand of coffee. Turn on the heater. Wait, wait. Done. Pour some hot water in my favorite cup which has a quotation of "Keep calm and dream on." Mix, mix. Voila! Coffee and cereals for breakfast! While munching on my cereals, I face my iPad. Scroll, scroll. Tweet "Good morning!" Scroll, scroll. Check new Instagram photos. Scroll, scroll. Fvck! Do they really need to post something icky and duh, nonsense stuff on Facebook? Scroll, scroll. Hit the Youtube page. Select the audio vid of We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus. "Forget the haters coz somebody loves ya..." Give a fast tap on my phone. Geez!!! I have to take a bath already. Rush, rush. Ooh, the water is so cold I wanna take a bath forever. Dress up. Put on makeup because we are required to do so. A light makeup will work. It's awkward to look pale when facing patients. There you go! All set and ready for another duty as a NURSE.
So I'm still stuck on my bed. I'm too lazy to get up. As I've said, I have a lot of things to ponder on, questions to answer. What am I gonna eat for dinner later? When will I start doing the laundry again? How many hours of sleep will I get? When will be my next duty? Can I have a double off next cutoff? When will I see my family? My friends? How should I decide for my next derma appointment? When will I start enrolling myself to a yoga class because my scoliosis is getting worse based from my judgment! How can I budget my monthly income for my monthly dues? Can I still manage to be a MAN student at my university of choice?
My life when I was at my hometown was so simple. Upon waking up, breakfast was set already. After eating, I had the chance to be a couch potato. I didn't have to worry about the laundry. I didn't have to worry about budgeting. I had all the time in the world to mingle with my friends and family. I wasn't this tired. I had long hours of sleep except for the moments I had for burning brows, of course.
I LOVE MY LIFE THEN AND NOW. It's actually hard to adjust and to work my arse off but it's superbly okay. I've achieved one of my greatest dreams. Despite the long walks (Well, I'm allowed to ride on shuttles now.), chores, endless budgeting, homesickness, sleepless nights; when I see those big letters on the hospital where I work, I can't help but to smile and thank the Lord for pushing me this far. I still have that burning passion and I won't let the flame turn to dust. It's a promise.
Seriously, I'm so proud of myself. No, I'm not bragging. I'm proud of being independent. At first, I thought I couldn't make it. Look at me now!
Oh, well. Thank you for reading this rubbish post. I just hope I inspired you to strive on no matter how hard it will be to achieve your greatest dream. Just pray hard and embrace all the trials. You're bigger than the tests if you have God in your heart. Anyways, I'm gonna bid my bye now for I will catch some Zs again. It will be my first graveyard duty later and I'm so excited. Cheerio! Much love! 💋
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