As I Bid My Last Goodbye…

To the one I loved the most,

Love folded us mutually when we first met each other. Cupid’s potion didn’t work because affirmation struck us rapidly; caressing every emotion we felt. Gladness was stirred in our face when our gleaming eyes stared with each other. Secretly inside myself, I was feeling that your fragrant scent made the moment more romantic and casting. And your smile; oh yes, your smile! It is the only one which made my heart thumped and exclaimed I’M IN LOVE!

For the first few months of our relationship, it was so breathtaking. We had no big problems. We didn’t hate each other’s flaws. We didn’t get mad. We understand all. What we only believed were the ideas of forever and destiny. What we only knew was we’re in love, we were deeply in love. But as time moved hastily, predicaments arose. Thorns breached the tie that kept us together. You’d changed. I asked you “What’s the matter?” and you simply answered “I just need some space.” I came down and pondered… SPACE? Is there a need? Why? I can’t get it. Why in our perfect relationship? What in this world would make you beg for space? NO! It’s a big NO. I love you and I will never let you go.

I exerted a lot of effort just to please you. I did everything. I gave what you want but hell, yes; I didn’t give your ultimate wish – space. It’s because I love you so much that it makes me weak whenever I etch on my mind that I have to release you, to set you free. Don’t get me wrong. I know love is not selfish. But hey babe, you are my life. You are the reason why I am contented. You are my happiness. However, it seems that this won’t work anymore. So for now, here I am, giving you a message to be kept… THANK YOU, SORRY, and GOODBYE…

THANK YOU. Thank you for the moments we cherished. You had been a good partner to me. You taught me how to accept life’s ups and downs. Thank you for accompanying me on a part of my journey; believing in me; and loving me unconditionally with all the best you can. I will always have down pat our reminiscences, the time we spent together.

SORRY. Sorry for being so numb about your aims. Sorry about my imperfections. Sorry for all the painstaking stuff you experienced when we still were. I also am sorry about my selfish acts. I just don’t want to lose you but nah, it’s now the time to hold out my last goodbye…

LAST GOODBYE. Yes, last goodbye. Why last? It is because I was always telling this word to you but I was also the one reappearing in your life. Sounds funny, isn’t it? Goodbye’s not forever as they might say. But today, it is different. It really is.

Goodbye babe. I will miss you. I wish you’ll have a finer life without me. You deserve someone better. As you continue to move, just stand tall. Walk throughout the midst of life and when you forsake and fail, don’t look back; I am nowhere. Keep your feet on the ground. I might not be there when you need me but I promise, you will always be in my heart.

Always,

Me ♥

(Idea is based from a friend’s love story, 06-14-10, 6:05 pm)

Sweet-sweetan

1, 2, 3 teardrops and my heart exclaimed I NEED TO WRITE!

Bakit kailangan kong masaktan sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat? Bakit kailangan kong umiyak sa isang taong hindi naman ako kayang pahalagahan? Bakit hindi ko kayang bumitaw kahit alam kong hindi pwede, hindi na talaga pwede.

Hindi sa nagpapaka-emo ako ngayon pero pasensiya na hindi ko na kayang itago to. Ang sakit eh, sobra. Yung tipong, you can’t even count your tears because of a grunting pain. Yes, I’m crying right now (thanks sadness for giving me the heap to write an article) and it sounds really baduuuyy but we need to face the fact that all of us experience heartbreaking memories. Something very stabbing is happening to me right now. Full of regrets. Full of sorrow. He ruined everything; I lost everything. Shame on me, why did I let this happen.

Hindi ito tungkol sa break-up pero a GUY is involved. Kung tungkol sa flirtation sa tingin mo to, well, opinion mo yan. Speaking of flirtation, uso na ba talaga ngayon ang It’s Complicated? M.U’s? We’re just sweet? More than friends but less than lovers? Ganito na ba talaga ang ikot ng “PAG-IBIG” sa kabataan ngayon? Eh pano yun pag may na-fall na, may nain-love na? Anong kahihinatnan? Aamin ba? O pipilitin na lang itago ang nararamdaman because of pride, fear of rejection, and loss of friendship? Isipin mo. Ang hirap di ba?

Hot and cold. Nag-vibrate ang phone mo, may message from him. May nagpop-up sa FB chatbox, ayon, nangungulit na naman siya. BUZZ! Sabi sa YM mo, online na siya. Nakakakilig di ba? Yung tipong pakiramdam mo, miss na miss ka na niya, oras-oras ka niyang naiisip, hindi siya mapalagay pag wala kayong communication sa loob ng isang araw. Ang sweet! “I miss you, mwah, that’s what I feel for you, san ka? Puntahan kita, seryoso ako…” Lahat na yata ng strategy para tumalon ang puso mo eh gagawin niya. Ang tanong, hanggang kailan kaya? Hmmmm… 1 month, 3… 4.. 6… umabot sa puntong ang lamig na niya sayo. Di na ganong nakakaalala. Nagtampo ka, anong sinabi niya? “Busy lang ako” Eh, ikaw naman tong si masyadong mapagmahal, naniwala naman! Hindi mo lang alam, may bago na siyang binibiktima ng mga matatamis na linya niya. Eto pa, wala raw siyang ka-chat pero naka-online siya. Nagtampo ka na naman, anong sabi niya? “Farmville lang.” Oh not again! Naniwala ka na naman. Sus, if I know, nagha-harvest siya ng mga lolokohin niya. Isa pa, ininvite mo siyang sumama sa inyo ng barkada mo, take note, on weekend, ano na naman ang sabi niya? “Hindi ako pwede, may pasok ako.” May pasok??? Baka may date! Hell, be realistic naman dude!

Ano kayang dahilan kung bakit COLD na? Pakipot ka siguro girl, ayon naghanap ng iba. O baka nagsawa na? “Iba naman” sabi ng isip niya. Back to being pakipot, wala namang masama dun. Hindi porke’t siya na ang pinakagwapong nakilala mo sa buong buhay mo eh GO! ka na. Babae ka noh! You need to be pleased. (All right, sorry guys, matamaan ang matamaan.) Tsaka isa pa, malalaman mo lang na seryoso talaga siya pag nagtiyaga siya sa kakahintay sayo.

Okay, enough na muna sa evil, kasumpa-sumpa na. Magbigay na lang kaya ako ng advice? Oo, tama. (I’m always giving pieces of advice through my writings pero sarili ko hindi ko matama.) Beware! Madami nang nafo-fall sa mga sweet-sweetan ngayon. Sa una masaya, kilig to the bones pero huwag ka, pwedeng hindi maging happy ending ang istorya. Kaya, here are my tips! Hehe!

Huwag mong i-silent mode phone mo, vibrate, or beep pag nasa bahay ka. LOUD dapat! LOUD! Bakit? Eh kasi pag naka-silent, titignan mo lang ng titignan yung phone mo, feeling mo nagtext siya. May text ba? Wala! Lagyan mo ng message alert tone para hindi ka umaasa.

Don’t view his social site profile. Mamaya emo ka na naman! Mahu-hurt ka lang pag may bago siyang friends sa list niya o nag-comment siya sa status ng iba.

Don’t text him. Pride! Pride! Kahit forwarded message huwag! Alam mo, kahit milyun-milyong quotes ang ipasa mo sa kanya, kung ayaw ka niyang i-text, ayaw niya talaga. Okay?

Entertain others. Huwag mo siyang gawing sentro ng buhay mo. Marami diyan. Huwag kang mag-reject ng iba; kung ayaw mo sila at siya lang talaga ang gusto mo, okay lang yan. PERO! Wag mong hahayaang tuluyang umikot ang buhay mo sa kanya.

Pretend. Bawal ipahalatang l-o-v-e mo siya lalo na kung binabalewala ka lang niya. Ouch yun, te! Sobra!

Lastly, JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART. I don’t ask you to go after my advice. Pawang kalokohan lang yun dahil nauna ang ANGST. It’s still your choice, your decision. Kung alam mong kaya mo pa, go! Be it! But once you cried because of an unofficial magulong usapang relationship, hindi na tama. Move on girl; you deserve to be happy.

“Uso ngayon, sweet-sweetan; unang ma-in-love, talo!” – FB Fan page

(*Inspired by a story of a friend, 05-01-10, 09:55 pm)