Sometimes I Feel Like Marilyn Monroe

Twisting paths between being a young lady with a tough personality and a little girl with vulnerability, I feel like Marilyn Monroe sometimes. Inspired by the song Marilyn Monroe by Nicki Minaj, tonight, alone at the beach, gazing at the dark sky and the calm waves of the sea, I will create something that will encircle what I know about a tough personality.

Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess. She should be loved and respected despite the flaws she has in her niche.

💬 "I CAN BE SELFISH YET SO IMPATIENT."
⭐ Selfishness is a sin yet sometimes it's a good thing to ponder especially when you can't deal anymore with the cruel acts of someone. Whirling emotions, there are times that you need to love yourself first. Stop letting yourself be crashed by anyone. You build your own happiness. It's your choice. Yes, I know that kindness is a great thing. However, being fixated to this stuff make someone abusive. They will abuse your nice personality. Don't let them beat you. You're always thinking of them but are they thinking about you?
⭐ Impatience is a big no. If you really want something, you should wait for it. However, what if it really is not for you? Back off. If you already gave your best but it's not noticed at all, stand up! Try pointing your direction to another way!

💬 "I'M INSECURE. I MAKE MISTAKES. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE END OF THE ROAD."
⭐ We all have flaws. All of us have blots. We hit the wrong ones. We feel like we're pounded. These are all normal. Face everything. Life is not that everyday-happy-ending thing. When you feel like someone's or something's knocking you down, try to uplift yourself. Mistakes are inevitable but you can do something about it. Wake up! Improve yourself! Forget about it! You're not the only person who experience it.

💬 "IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE MY WORST, YOU AIN'T GETTING MY BEST."
⭐ I don't know if I'm narcissistic but a lot of people buzzed that I'm an old-school-good-girl type of person. But hey! I have my worst side too! Too bad they can't understand it. What can I say? Whatever. Talk that talk. I'm what I am right now. You might judge me but I won't care! What you see is what you get.

💬 "I CAN GET HIGH LIKE I COULD NEVER COME DOWN. I CAN GET LOW. DON'T KNOW WHICH WAYS UP."
⭐ I am a woman with big dreams in life. My dreams are as high as the heaven. I'll take every inch, step, or risk just to reach it. No barrels can outweigh me. Contrastingly, I know that life is a bit shattered sometimes. Like me, most girls can encounter a lot of disparagements. It's inevitable. Nevertheless, I believe that whether we're at the top or at the bottom stake, each of us should remain simple and humble. Humility is a great thing to preserve your intact shred of integrity.

💬 "TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME, I'LL NEVER BE PERFECT. BELIEVE ME I'M WORTH IT."
⭐ One will hardly understand me. (I suppose) But I know that deep down on somebody's veins, there's something tickling there that will love every single thing about me. I'm not perfect and I will never be. Nobody's perfect, anyways. On the contrary, with my strong conviction, I believe that people will accept me as the way I am. Someday, pressures will bunch out. Someday, expectations will fall. Someday, disparagements will burn. If these things won't happen, it's alright. After all, I'm living and surviving for my life and not for people who keep on eyeing me.

For the closure, I want a smart striking paragraph.

Too bad. Those people who know less about you are the ones who boastfully claim some stories that might destroy your reputation. Oh well, that's life. Just keep your chin up, beautiful. As long as you have God in your heart, no one can hurt you. They might screw your name but they can never destroy your soul. Let them talk and talk. Good vibes!

First Love

He used to call me his angel and I proved that I was.

2 years, 26 days, 7 hours – the time frame when I loved someone unconditionally. Those memories, oh sweet terrible memories… lingered in my mind, caught my soul, and buried my heart.

I remember the time when I first fell in love. Everything was so magical. I believed in fairy tales. He was actually my knight in a shining armor. Those eyes… his gleaming eyes pounded my weak knees. I felt the throbbing of my heart. And his words… oh yes, his words, I felt the sincerity of his honey-tongued lines.

Too drastic, too melodramatic. Cruel things happened but I didn’t surrender. I realized he was not my dream man but I didn’t give up because I love him so much. He’s a player. He’s a liar. He didn’t have any plans in life. He chase after other girls. He was always drunk. He got no effort. But what made me stay? It’s because he didn’t let a day pass without showing that I was so dear important in his life.

Well some said I was trapped by the sitch. I was blind. Others said that I was poisoned by his sweet disguise because if he really loved me he will dump the other woman clinging on him. He did actually. He saved our relationship. He proved to me that he’s worth fighting for. So as a result, I gave him another chance and we let true love bloom again.

Suddenly, our happy memories turned into a piece of mess. Drastic. Horrible. If our love was true and powerful, why did it end? He lied to me. He really lied to me. He didn’t dump her. I asked him why? Because the other woman was suicidal he said. For God’s sake! Desperate! I gave up but he said he’ll fix all the mess and I just have to wait. I waited for months and months then one night, his brother texted me saying that my first love will marry the other woman. I cried. I cried. All I know was I cried.

After crying for a night, the next day, I learned how to be strong. I learned how to be tough. I learned how to stand up again. I can’t be mad at him for what he had done because despite of that anger, nothing will happen. It will just make my life more miserable. On the contrary, I realized at one point in my life that I was happy with our fate because I changed his life. From trash, he became a good and responsible man. He was just so unlucky because he was tied to a leech but that’s his destiny. Suddenly, with the swirling of thoughts in my mind, his unending line beat me “You’re my angel.” I grasped, I really was his angel.

4 years and 6 months of being single and alone, past forgotten, no communication; I felt another spark but I was so damn afraid to love again but I can’t help it. I fell. And it was like déjà vu because I was caught by the wrong one for the second time. They have the same attitude, vices, and everything. But along the line, beyond my standards, he was the one I chose. I didn’t know why. That’s the magic of love. You will never know when to fall and who will catch you.

Yes, for second time the ending’s not good and it lasted only for 4 months. And pretty terrible! Life was really tricky! My first breakup was on the 24^th and with the second, it was twisted to 23^rd to 24^th too. Sigh. However, I got no regrets because at this time, I learned again. And come on! I believe that life’s too short to stress myself with people who do not deserve to be a part of me! Anyway, I wonder if what my first love will say if I will tell him all my stories about this recent guy. I bet he’ll laugh because upon making me a man hater and picky one, I was poisoned again by love. Well, that’s life. No matter how many fool, stupid, first love-like guy, and 24^th heartbreaking disaster will come my way, I believe that I will always be an angel. J